ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
