i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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