literally had 100 drinks last night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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