and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
His nipple licking is glorious
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