And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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