Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize