So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
