So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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