my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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