I want to stick my p in your. b.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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