I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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