your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
