They should really pass out barf bags in church
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
