he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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