I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
