The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
