My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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