i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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