Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
