True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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