lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize