It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
