This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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