So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
