Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
