addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
