just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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