Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
