I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
