planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
