I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
3pm strippers are depressing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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