BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize