I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
