He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
