if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize