Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
