My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize