if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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