You can't motorboat a personality
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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