im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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