If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize