somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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