But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
