I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize