I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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