I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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