Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize