I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
