I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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