he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
