Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
