you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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