I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
