my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
