How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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