I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
