do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How's work?
Spinning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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