true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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