hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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