she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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