you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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