I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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