I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
